Never before have I been so happy to be an adult!

Oh my fucking god, I can't believe this is real. Someone please leave some kind of comment so I know that I didn't imagine this, because I swear to god that I will have nightmares if my brain made this one up!

This one takes "I don't wanna grow up" to a whole new level. One that I really don't think I am ready to deal with. The scariest part are the overnight and hourly rates...look for it if you dare.

Wow.

Holy Inverted Christmas Tree ScroogeMan

I think American's have taken conspicuous consumption to an entirely new level.

Granted, I am a snob, a purist, I suppose some would even call me a scrooge, but I think perhaps that comment would be misplaced. You see, I adore the Christmas/Solstice season. I love the tree indoors, the pretty ornaments, pretty paper and bows adorning new treasures. I love the specials foods I only eat once a year, the time with family and laughing uncontrollably, seated next to a raging fire in the fireplace. So when I read this article, I thought I was going to vomit.

I understand that this fad was popular at one point in time (500 YEARS AGO), to represent the holy trinity. I'm not sure how it did that, but okay. But why, in this time and situation, would anyone in their right mind do this? I mean seriously, this *fad* has got to be the most blatant display of consumerism I have ever heard of.

Spending six HUNDRED dollars to duplicate something you saw in some bloody department store is retarded. There is, in my mind, no justification for something so obviously dedicated to the almighty dollar. Just because some ritzy retailer thought it would create more floor space for other crap for you to buy, is no reason for a home owner to allow such greed to dictate the why's, wherefores and howmuchfor's of Christmas.

What happened to that romantic holiday picture of a family or couple waking early Christmas morning, steaming cup of coffee in hand, and gathering AROUND THE BASE OF THE GODDAMNED TREE? Next thing you know, someone will market "Space Boots" so you can sit on your ceiling and achieve that which gravity provides so easily for you... Or better yet, we can hang our stockings from the ceiling, preferably from a board in the second floor subflooring so that your new Mega-Stocking can live up to it's advertised "Able to hold 50 pounds of Christmas Crap." Only four easy payments of $29.95, not available in stores and only while supplies last. Call today!

I wanna be a Yale-y!

Yesterday I was investigating my new sbcglobal account and found the free music. I found this very exciting, even better is that they have all sorts of music news on the site. I am a fairly inquisitive person...So I inquisited about the music news. And what did I find? Are you brimming with curiosity?

Yale has done away with tuition for their music graduate students. Yes folks, you read that correctly: Graduate school for musicians is FREE at Yale. My first thought was "rock the fuck on" my second thought was "TAKE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Now this brings me to the real heart of the issue...Do I want to go to graduate school? Not really. I want to be a musician not study to be a musician. Wait I am a musician and I am always interested in studying to be a better musician. The problem is that I am not really a self starter. I need lighter fluid to get a fire going under my ass. I mean honestly, what else do I need? I know I am talented, I know that I should be singing. I want to be singing, then why aren't I?

If the desire to sing is not followed by the act of singing, is the desire to sing? Yes, but the desire needs to be all consuming. I've always been told that life is what happens while you're busy making other plans. Lately, that isn't getting it done. Right now that seems like a cop-out. I mean I know that it's true, but I want more. I want a more fulfillment from my art. Or rather I want my art to be more fulfilling. I know it's possible. I have a teaching position as of Jan 1, and I'm assistant director for the comedy company, and I love making pie. That's all well and good, but I want to sing every day and I continue to put doing the dishes higher on my list of priorities that actually going into my office and making music, art, for myself.

I suppose that is really the heart of the issue after all. I do the dishes because I think that it will somehow make life easier. I won't feel overwhelmed by all of the have-to's and want-to's if the kitchen is clean. That it will be easier to be Tony's cheerleader if there isn't symbolic clutter, i.e. a clean kitchen.

Yeah, well al that is bull shit. I'm just fooling myself. The best way to remain calm and motivational is to be truly and honestly happy, not happy by successive approximation. When do I feel that happy? When I have created something that makes me feel good. When I have made something beautiful. That is either pie, which I can send out into the world. Or music which come from a deeper place in my soul and is sent to deeper place too. It does however, touch on all of the same insecurities that I alluded to in the previous entry.

Grrr... really the only thing to do is to stop whining (yeah I do that a lot) and sing something. It is now 11:30, three months ago, that alone would have stopped me from keeping a musical promise to myself. Tonight, in this house, I don't think I'll let it. Here I go, and hear I go.

la la la la....

Ooh, she's whining again!

For some reason, it seems that my fidelity to this blog is questionable. I think about posting, frequently. That is to say, that I think about posting frequently, and I frequently think about posting. But I infrequently have any follow through. Does this make me a bad person, I suppose that it all depend on how seriously you/I take online journals, or any journal. Let's examine...

1. I have never been terribly disciplined where writing is concerned.
2. Journals intimidate me. Writing down what I think, usually random thoughts, seems like something only highly intelligent people should do. I do not think of myself as highly intelligent. Only as just able to keep up with my friends. I mean shit, smart people write. I only sing and bake, and anyone, everyone can do that.
3. What on earth do I possibly have to say? I use this as a convenient place to share websites I find. I recommend albums or other random products, and I whine. And the whining is usually self deprecating and soul cleansing, but not particularly interesting for others.
4. I have difficulty committing my time and energy to a medium that is completely removed from direct human interaction. After all, this is primarily, if not solely, read by people I already know and see on a regular basis.
5. Aren't these things supposed to be ground breakingly interesting, full of political commentary and quippy remarks. Yeah, I'm right out on that one.
6. I suck (hey now...I didn't mean it that way)

I suppose I should stop with that one. So, after looking those over, I don't think I am a bad person. Perhaps I suffer from a serious lack of confidence where the validity of my own thoughts are concerned, but make me a bad person it does not. On that note, I guess I'll end this entry and attempt to actually write something.