Thrill-ified

I have a splintered personality. Please keep in mind this is MY term, I have not been to a mental health specialist of any kind, nor do I intend to. But I digress...I was telling a story about ambivalence...Once upon a time, in a land, far, far away

Last week, while at work, I joined the AFM local 625. Thrilled and terrified, I faxed off my application and dues check. Finally I was running, okay okay crawling, toward one of only two dreams that have remained since early childhood. Feeling deaf, dumb, and blind, I did it. Hooray.

Okay, now what?

So I waited, not so patiently for some sign that my imagination, and check book, didn't get the better of me. I had made myself vulnerable like never before and sat, feeling like a turd in the wind. Tick-tock, tick-tock. Where is an email, a phone call, SOMETHING!

Well, today, I recieved not one, but TWO emails. It's official, I am a member of AAFM local 625. I have a member ship card, I have access to the online benefits, classifieds, free referral service for lessons. I also realized, holy shit I have to write a bio. A bio? What the fuck, I don't have anything for a bio. I am cold snot not even good enough for Chinette. I'll never be the slick shit on silver platters that these people are...a bio?

If that wasn't enough, I sent an email to a band leader, asking if he ever uses a vocalist, and if he is in the market for one. What am I doing? I am getting myself into a world that I know nothing about. (confused Erin stops, looks around gets a grin and begins singing and cutely stepping around...) But I did it, I'm making progress, I stuck my neck out, I'm doing buisness, Oh yeah I did it, Oh yeah I did it!

I don't know which me to listen to. I am scared shitless, and really proud of myself. This is the first time that I have really pursued any aspect of music, outside of school. Suz has always said that she is in touch with nothing if not her own ambivalence. And even that statement creates ambivalence...

So I am left, holding on to two emotions. Knowing damn good and well which one to let go of, and being terrified to do so. If I let go, I won't be in control. Or will I?

If You're Not Having Fun, You're Not Doing It Right!

I just adore this quiz. I found it, and his results, on Pat K's blog. This is serious intellectual fun!

You scored as Hedonism. Your life is guided by the principles of Hedonism: You believe that pleasure is a great, or the greatest, good; and you try to enjoy life’s pleasures as much as you can. “Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die!” More info at Arocoun's" Wikipedia User Page... Hedonism 100% Existentialism 95% Utilitarianism 75% Justice (Fairness) 70% Kantianism 55% Strong Egoism 55% Divine Command 10% Apathy 5% Nihilism 0% What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03) created with QuizFarm.com

, I found this quiz, and his results, on Pat K.'s blog. I adore it! You guys have GOT to take this quiz!

New Bicycles, Pears and Beautiful Days

So, aside from it being an absolutely gorgeous day outside, today is the tenth anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing and by a stroke of fortune, the man I love with all my heart was spared. On his own blog he has written about it with far more eloquence and grace than I ever could. If you have an opportunity, give it a read, the link is further down the page (Wrinkled Mind). I wouldn't normally open like this, but as he points out, we are alive.

Tony bought me a bicycle on Saturday. It is an exquisite pearl blue with white wall tires and a two tone seat the size of Montana. I adore it. I feel like I'm ten years old all over again. The first time I took it out, Sunday, I rode all over Ypsilanti, having a delightful time. I found myself at the local coffee shop, and found Wendy and Patrick there. It was a childhood dream manifest in adulthood. Unfortunately, on the way home, I ate a cement sandwich. I, on my first day on my NEW bike, had an accident. There is a certain amount of irony that goes along with that. Anyway, I am now quite humbled, bloodied and bruised. I am not, however, beaten. I am merely reminded of my resiliency and delicacy. I will continue to get back on the bike and peddle forth, while remaining conscience that if one is not careful, in the matter of a split second, everything you knew is gone.

Life is beautiful, and far too short to get it all in. It's supposed to be upwards of 80 degrees Fahrenheit today, I will be riding my bike. I will tell Tony I love him, and I'll hold him tight. I will call my friends and let all of them know how much they are loved. I will eat a pear and let it's sweet, warm juice run over my tongue and tickle my taste buds. In short, I will live.

A Woman's Work is Never Done, and Honored Even Less

Okay kids, a couple of things have come to my attention that I feel compelled to share.

First off an article at NOW's website brings to our attention attitudes towards woman put forth by the Bush administrations proposed social security policy. Second, and just as scary, NARAL has an article about pharmacies refusing to fill prescriptions for birth control.

I try very hard to only put out information. Either of things I find cool, or things I find scary. However, where these two things are concerned, I am driven to comment. I don't know how many of you out there have read the book, The Handmaid's Tale, well I have, and it scared the shit out of me. Not because it was so fantastic that these things were virtually impossible, but rather because we are racing towards them. For those of you that have not read this book, it is a futuristic story of an America where woman are stripped of their identities and forced in to state sanctioned positions of either whore, wife, or baby machine. I am over simplifying it for the sake of brevity.
I mention these two articles and this book because if you pay attention, you'll notice that we are stripping women of their financial independence, and removing their ability to control their own fertility. With these two things we move backwards in our attitudes of women's roles.
I don't know how you feel about all of this, but impoverished, pregnant and paralyzed is not my idea of freedom.

Please, it is paramount that you all act on these issues. Think of what these things mean for you and the rest of the women in your life. Also, there are permanant links on this page to a number of pro-woman websites, If perchance you are not framiliar with them, I implore you to add them to your political conscienceness.